


where we have bled

by Nazezdha321



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Bahrain, Cancer, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25742482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nazezdha321/pseuds/Nazezdha321
Summary: While visiting his mom in hospital after a car accident, Phil becomes friends with the quiet patient down the hall and visits her everyday until one day, she isn't there.
Relationships: Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Melinda May, Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 30
Kudos: 72
Collections: AOS AU August 2020





	where we have bled

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sanctuaria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanctuaria/gifts).



> Yesterday was Day 5, with a hospital AU, and guess who brought more of the angst and then finished the fic but then had to go to bed so she couldn't post it :) 
> 
> Kat -- this probably isn't the *best* fic to lift your spirits, but it's something <3 
> 
> Read the tags for trigger warnings, and please don't read this fic if they might affect you in any way.

“Phil, I told you, I’m fine!” his mother assured him, putting her hand on his cheek. “It was just a little accident!” 

_“That put you in the hospital!”_

“Phil, please.” 

Phil sighed. His mother was right. Wounds would heal and cars could be replaced. But after his father’s death - as long ago as it had been - having his mother in the hospital wasn’t exactly doing anything to lower his stress. 

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ve made friends with almost everyone in the hallway!” she chirped. “Flint is next door - poor thing, he fell while rock climbing - and Hunter’s across the hall. He got in a bar fight, a bad one, too. Don’t tell anyone, but Yo-Yo and I have suspicions that he and his nurse have history.” 

“Oh?” Phil asked politely, trying not to focus on the _hospital_ part of _you’re just visiting your mom in the hospital, Phil, it was just an accident, and she’s going to be fine._ He hated hospitals. Those walls that were once a delightful shade of green but had long ago faded. The constant beeping of monitors. The quiet music, but not too quiet, because they didn’t want you to hear the screams of the people who were losing those they loved. The calmness of the atmosphere that did absolutely nothing to calm him and instead set him on edge. 

“I asked Jemma, my nurse, if we could host a little get together for everyone outside on Saturday, and she said it would be fine. Do you mind passing out invitations to everyone in the hall?” 

“Sure,” Phil said. His mother, the social butterfly. The more he thought about it, ‘butterfly’ was the perfect word to describe her. She was always doing one thing or another to try and improve the lives of others. She was kind and bright and happy. She was kind of all over the place sometimes, with her millions of charity projects, but she was wise enough to know when to settle down for a minute. 

She handed him a stack of neat envelopes. _Of course_ she had already made the invitations. There were probably handwritten letters to accompany them. 

“You’ve been in here for two days, Mom, how do you know everyone?” 

“Well, not _everyone_ ,” his mother replied, then lowered her voice. “There’s a woman down the hall and no one’s seen her - except Jemma, of course, and the doctors. A girl sits outside her room every day for a few hours though. Says that the woman won’t let her visit but she’s coming anyway.” 

“Huh." 

“Mr. Coulson,” interrupted his mother’s nurse - wasn’t Jemma her name? - gently. 

Phil sighed. Visiting hours were up. The doctor prescribed rest for his mom, and that wasn’t going to happen if Phil was here. He squeezed her hand. “I’ll see you later.” 

“You’ll - ” she began. 

“ - check on the cat and deliver your invitations? Yeah,” Phil finished. She smiled. 

“I love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

\---

Phil knocked on the last door in the hallway. The door of the woman his mother talked about, who Flint had called a ghost when Phil delivered his invitation. 

“Daisy, please,” came a quiet voice from inside. “Go away.” 

“I’m, uh… not Daisy,” Phil said. She didn’t say anything, so he continued. “I’m Phil Coulson, my mom’s in the room up the hall from you. She wanted to invite you to come to a little party she’s having on the lawn Saturday. I don’t really know why she wants a party, but she’s pretty insistent on these things.” 

“Come in,” replied the voice. Phil pushed open the door. 

The lights were off, and the only source of light was a small TV that slightly illuminated the woman’s face. She was Asian, with dark brown hair. Wearing a hospital gown like everyone else, but hooked up to an IV that had some sort of fluid in it. Phil was guessing painkillers - it looked sort of like what they had given his father. He swallowed thickly. 

“Hi,” he said. 

“You can turn the light on,” she told him. 

He smiled and flicked the switch next to the door. She blinked for a few seconds, and in that time, Phil was able to see how bruised her face was. She looked like she had been beaten. Badly. Worse than Hunter, who got in a bar fight, and that was saying something. 

“My mom wanted me to give you this.” He walked over to her bed and held out the envelope. 

“Thank you,” she replied softly. 

“If I could ask… why aren’t you letting the girl who sits out there - Daisy, right? - why aren’t you letting her visit you?” 

The woman took the envelope with battered hands. “I don’t want her to see me like this.” 

“Beat up?” 

The woman shook her head but didn’t say anything else, so Phil left. 

\---

The next morning, a girl was sitting in a chair, staring at the door of the woman down the hall. Phil debated for a moment - should he go and talk to her, or would that be weird? - but he decided to see what was up. The woman piqued his curiosity, after all. 

“You okay?” he asked. 

The girl looked startled. “Yeah. You?” 

He smiled. “Could be better. My mom’s up the hall.” He gestured to her room. 

“Mine’s here. Except she won’t let me see her.” The girl frowned. “Sorry, I’m probably being rude. I’m Daisy.” 

“Phil Coulson.” 

“What’s your mom here for?” 

“Small car accident,” Phil explained. “She doesn’t want me to worry. Not my strong suit.” 

“Me either. And I’m really worried, ‘cause normally she lets me come in, but not this time,” Daisy said. Phil was confused. Normally? As in, the woman was in the hospital frequently? That was… concerning. 

“She looked fine yesterday,” Phil assured her. 

“What do you mean?” Daisy demanded, suddenly on her feet. “Did she let you in?” 

“Yeah, my mom invited everyone in the hallway out for a little party on the lawn tomorrow, and I delivered invitations,” he said. 

“What did she say?” Daisy asked. Phil hesitated. “ _Please._ She won’t talk to me, the doctors won’t tell me anything, even Jemma, and she’s one of my best friends. I know she needs help, but she won’t let me help her.” 

“My mom told me about you. Apparently, you and her are quite the mystery around here, so I asked her why she doesn’t let you come visit,” Phil explained. “She said… she said she doesn’t want you to see her like that.” 

“I thought you said she looked fine!” 

“She… looked a little worse than fine,” Phil admitted. “I asked her if she meant to beat up, but she shook her head and didn’t say anything else.” 

Daisy sighed. “Thank you, Mr. Coulson.” 

“What happened to her?” 

“I can’t tell you that,” she murmured. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Phil said absentmindedly. His head was running scenarios already - _why was she so badly injured? And why can’t I know why?_

He was determined to find out. 

\---

“Good morning!” his mother chirped as he walked in. She must have noticed his face because she frowned and her eyebrows furrowed the way they always did when she was worried. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Phil said, shaking his head. “How’s the party planning going?” 

“It’s going to be lovely! Jemma still won’t let us get food from outside the hospital, though.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“Special diets and they’re worried about possibilities of allergic reactions. Reasonable, but disappointing.” 

“You’re the only person I know who would think to throw a _party_ in the hospital,” Phil told her. 

She shrugged. “It’s the best way to brighten up spirits. Did you pass out all the invitations?” 

“Yup,” Phil confirmed. 

“Even the one to the woman down the hall?” 

“Yeah. She was…” Phil struggled for the right word. “I don’t know. Quiet, but coldly, at least until I gave her the invitation and she started talking about the girl who sits outside - Daisy.” 

“Did she say why she won’t let Daisy in?” 

“Not really.” 

“It sounds like she could use some Coulson help.” 

“I’m sure you can help her at the party tomorrow.” 

“Not me. You _._ ”

\---

“Hello?” Phil asked, knocking on the woman’s door. Jemma had just kicked him out of his mom’s room - politely, of course - and he couldn’t figure out why he was here now. Maybe the words from the conversation he’d had with Daisy were still ringing in his head. _I know she needs help, but she won’t let me help her._ Or maybe it was his mom - _Not me. You_. 

There wasn’t a reply, so Phil opened the door. The woman was asleep, or at least, that’s what Phil thought until he turned on the light. 

There was bright red blood _everywhere._ Staining the sheets, splattered on the floor, pooling in the creases of the snowy white blanket. All of it draining from deep cuts in the woman’s forearms. Phil slammed the call button and grabbed her arm. _Shit shit shit shit shit -_

“Mr. Coulson!” Jemma shrieked. 

“I just found her like this - ” Phil explained. 

But Jemma was already in action, calling a million things that Phil didn’t even try to understand out of the room. 

“The best thing you can do is leave,” advised someone else with dark brown hair and eyeliner-inked eyes. Phil wasn’t sure why that was allowed as a part of the hospital’s dress code but nodded numbly. 

He sat in the waiting room instead. 

\---

The first thing that he saw when he slipped out of the haze was Daisy, the girl who sat outside of the woman’s room every day. She was running, her short brown hair flying as she stopped and saw him in the waiting room. 

“Mr. Coulson!” she cried. “Is my mom - ” 

“They said she was going to be fine a few minutes ago,” he promised. 

She breathed a sigh of relief. 

“What’s going on?” he asked. As she opened her mouth to reply, he added, “And please don’t tell me that you can’t tell me that.” 

“It was supposed to be her last op,” Daisy said quietly. “She has Stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and we just found out. SHIELD - it’s a government agency, it’s… it’s supposed to be a secret - they told her she could have one last op before she went in for chemo. I went with her, to Manama, Bahrain. I can’t go into too many details, but it went bad. She saved a lot of people, but she was different. I don’t know what happened. But my mom was - funny, she pulled pranks, she was kind, she was affectionate, she was… she was bright and happy.” 

“I wouldn’t exactly describe her as - ” 

“Yeah, I know,” Daisy whispered. “I know.” 

She started to cry. 

Phil’s mom had always hugged people when they were crying, so he awkwardly put his arms around the girl. 

She hugged him back. 

\---

“Daisy?” called Jemma a few hours later. “You can come see her now.” 

Daisy stood, and so did Phil. “Guess that’s my cue,” he said, grabbing his bag. 

“No, wait,” Daisy said. She paused. “I doubt she’ll want to see you, but you saved her life, so you can see her anyway. Besides, I probably need the moral support right now.” 

Phil smiled slightly. 

As soon as they entered the next room, everything changed. 

“This is the first time I’ve seen you in weeks, Mom.” 

“I know.” 

“What the hell is going on?” Daisy demanded. 

“Daisy - ” 

“You’ve been on hundreds of ops, but suddenly, you’re this - person who I don’t even know anymore? And then you try to commit suicide?” 

“Daisy, please - ” she began. 

Phil felt pretty awkward. 

“FitzSimmons and Mack and Yo-Yo and Bobbi and even Hunter, we were terrified, Mom. _Terrified_ of what could have happened for you to try this. Even Mr. Coulson!” Daisy shouted. “And he met you, like, a day ago!” 

“Don’t you think I know that?” 

“I don’t know,” Daisy replied, tears gathering in her eyes. “I really don’t know.” 

She stormed out of the room.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked.

"I would've died anyway. I wanted to spare her the pain. She didn’t find me, did she?” 

“No,” Phil assured her. “I did.” 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish you hadn’t.” 

“Because you didn’t want me to see that, or because you wish you had died?” 

The woman considered. “Both.” 

\---

The next few weeks were a blur. 

Phil’s mother’s party went over wonderfully, despite the constant reminder that her hallmate was currently under 24/7 suicide watch in her room and wasn’t allowed to attend, not that she would have. 

Daisy came by Phil’s house with both a thank you and an apology. 

Phil visited his mother until she got out of the hospital, but he continued to visit the woman, reading her old comic books and trying to make her laugh. He hadn’t succeeded yet, but he was sure it would only take another bad joke or questionable decision. 

“Could you braid my hair?” she asked one day. 

Phil was caught off guard by the question. “What?” 

“Daisy used to do it,” she replied, “back when she was a little girl. Not like I could ask her about it now that she won't come visit me.” 

Phil shrugged. “Sure.” 

He walked around the side of her bed as she lifted her head off of a pillow and sat up. He evenly divided her hair into three sections. It was smooth and silky, so unlike his mother’s hair that he’d learned to braid when he was a kid. 

“You said when I first met you that you didn’t want Daisy to see you like this.” 

“Yes.” 

“What did you mean?” 

It was a long time before she whispered, “I didn’t want her to see me broken.” 

\---

Daisy’s eyes were red and tears streamed down her face in the hospital’s entryway. Her hair was tangled. Phil was by her side in a second. 

“Daisy, is everything okay?” he asked. 

She shook her head. 

“Did your mom try - ” 

“She’s gone,” Daisy whispered, “and I didn’t know what to do because Jemma told me this morning so I came here but she’s not here anymore and so I was waiting for you.” 

Phil was stunned. “I don’t understand.” 

“Cancer. Jemma said it was midnight when they declared her dead, midnight exactly. She would’ve hated that. She would’ve hated it _so much_.” 

Phil and Daisy stood in silence. 

"She died thinking I hated her."

“I didn’t know her name,” Phil murmured. 

“I guess we both have our regrets," she said. 

"She didn't think you hated her. She - she missed you, but she loved you, and she knew how much you loved her," Phil replied. 

"Her name was Melinda," Daisy said, staring at Phil. "Melinda May."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're all not *too* mad at me? Feedback and kudos always welcome :) 
> 
> Find me on tumblr under the same username <3
> 
> Cheers!


End file.
